Saturday, July 23, 2005

Crapness galore

Yup - I think if I ever needed a porn star name, Crapness Galore should fit the bill.

This whole effort of moving house is killing me, Scott came round to the flat yesterday to help with the vast amount of preperation still needed before I can even think of decorating (which I have to do before I can get carpets/ flooring laid, can't move in till that's down) He not only did as much of the hallway as he could, he carried on with the wall scrubbing when I crashed.

When I managed to get up and moving again, we went to B&Q - I'm truly blessed in my friends is all I'll say. He managed to make me feel less embarrassed about the whole passing out thing than I would've been had I been alone. I'm just starting to feel paranoid about going out alone again. It's not good.

Today hasn't helped any. I managed to drag myself to mums for a shower around 12.30, we then walked up to a white goods place Dave knows, that's when I started feeling really bad. Irritable, shaky - I put it down to pms and just begged off doing anything else. Made it to the flat before passing out on the rapidly deflating mattress. 3 hours later I had to ask mum to come round so she could get me a drink - I was burning up and unable to get out of bed. They brought me back here and I've been doing the sleepy thing on and off all night.

This just SUCKS ARSE! I'm NEVER going to get this place ready to move into! I'm just constantly tired, and the more I push myself to do the more tired I feel and the less I manage to do. I HATE THIS!

If I had to have an injection every day for the rest of my life I'd do it if only to get back to normal operating levels again. I've had this headache for 3 days straight, every muscle hurts, I've even had to start using the damned inhaler I was given. I hate those things.

I've also got a medical assessment on Tuesday, I'm not quite sure how I'm getting there yet - if Stef's back I'll ask him (assuming he doesn't need to go into work) if not I'll just have to ask Cheryl or Scott to go with me. Either way - the way I am at the moment I'm damned if I'm going anywhere alone!

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Hot weather and moving home

Not a good combination.

I've thought for a while that I was getting better - sadly it appears I was deluding myself.
I had around 2 months of nothing but the occasional sleepy fit and even they were of a shorter duration and easier to fight off. Sadly as the weather changed, so did my symptoms - the aches have returned with a vengeance as have the pins and needles, sinus problems, extended sleepy fits and dizzy spells.
It's just not fair.

I've also courted the possibility of a total relapse by overdoing it now I have a flat in Swinton.
I realise that the reason I've been fine for so long is not that I'm getting better - I've just not been doing anything. Anything at all. I was deluding myself into thinking I'd be fine to get another job or start a course, the reality of moving house is definitely putting those hopes on a back burner.
The schedule I set out for myself fell by the wayside from day one due to a nasty throat infection. The written journal stopped after just over a week - I kept forgetting to write in it.
I'm basically useless.
My days consist of lounging around in bed or on the settee, cuddling my bloke or surfing the net.
I can't do anything.
Yes, I'll try.
If I know stef's coming over I'll start a job with every intention of completing it - but I either get distracted by something else or just crash.
Lately the latter seems to happen with far too great a frequency.

I went to my cousins 18th today. After 2 hours I was forced to cadge a lift back from my aunt because I was knackered - I claimed it was so I could continue packing (because I didn't want to alarm anyone) I don't think my step mum bought that excuse though.
I just didn't want the embarrassment of passing out in front of a load of people - especially when there was a video camera doing the rounds! I'll flake in the privacy of my own home if you don't mind!
I'm just glad my boyfriend is so amazing. I'd be screwed moving into this flat if it wasn't for him, there's so much that needs doing! He's offered to put up some shelves, lay my flooring and re-tile the bathroom - that's after already helping me get the paint and start preparing the place for decorating! He ferries me around everywhere and just generally cares for me. I'd be lost without him.
I just wish I wasn't so damned useless!
I can't even strip a bloody wall myself without passing out for the best part of 2 days!

I still need to call both the DLA and the benefits people and inform them of my move. I have to change Dr's (joy) this could be a good thing though - mum's getting a ton of help from her Dr, and Hope hospital are putting her through for acupuncture and all sorts - which is more than can be said for NMGH - I'm still waiting on the gastro endoscopy I was referred for over 2 months ago for my embarrassing belching and excessive acid reflux.
I'm positive about the move to Swinton though, it will be a good thing for me - I just wish it was an easier process is all.