Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I'm so lucky.

I've been reading back through the early postings on this blog and I have to say that I'm probably one of the luckiest people alive.

I no longer have the majority of the symptoms I suffered through back then; now all I have to deal with is fatigue, brain fog and pain (and the occasional bout of menieres disease) some people may say there is nothing lucky about that but when compared to those early days I thank my lucky stars that, awful as they are, these things are all I have to worry about now.

I have coping mechanisms in place and yes, I lose around 30-50% of my waking life to these symptoms but that's a damned sight better than the 80-90% of waking life I was losing before.

I have learned through this illness to prioritise and structure my life to get the most out of it - I know many people that seem to gain nothing from all their hours of perfect health so this makes me a winner in my eyes.

I manage to spend quality time with my daughter and partner, I am slowly finishing my degree (and yes I'm on track for a 1st class honours) and the job prospects following that are incredibly hopeful - even despite my health issues.

So yes, I am very lucky. Things could be a lot worse, things HAVE been a lot worse; the fact that they are always improving (albeit slowly) is something to be very thankful for.

My main goal when I became ill was to get well enough to find work and come off benefits - this is a goal I may finally realise once I have completed my degree. It's a very satisfying thought to know you can actually achieve your goals.

My next goal is to earn enough to buy the house I've been dreaming of forever - the house I'd saved enough deposit for when I got ill and had to watch that money dwindle to nothing as my income vanished.

I'm lucky because I didn't buy that house before I became ill, if I had I'd have been homeless and most likely dead by now as I wouldn't have met the man who changed my life and gave me my daughter and the strength to keep going.

Everything happens for a reason - never forget that.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

The future's so bright.. I gotta wear shades!

Principles and applications of web Services (technology): A3
Digital Entertainment Systems: A1
Web Application development (design): A3
Professional Issues in computing: A3

You see those grades? they're mine they are *grin* ok, ok so what if it took me an entire academic year to do it!
..Considering I've had 74 days (that's right, just over 2 months) bedridden by fatigue (and that's not counting any crashes prior to the diary count starting mid January otherwise it would probably be at least three months considering I lost most of November and December which necessitated the deferrals in the first place) and god knows how many other days I lost to the joys of brain fog (I'm never mentally aware enough on those days to think of keeping count!)

I'd say I did really bloody well.

Lets put it this way - I'm on track for a first class honours in my specialist degree subject so it's worth the blood sweat and tears of studying with ME/CFS and a toddler.

As Chris said on my Facebook page: Vicky rocks!

So, what now you ask? Well, on top of actually being a mum again instead of a snappy, stressed out work beast;
  • I'm working on several websites (mine and other peoples)
  • updating and improving my knowledge of wordpress for this very reason (so a fair bit of reading)
  • I'm researching and organising ideas for my final year project (which funnily enough involves the need to understand wordpress VERY well)
  • I'm creating several 'how to' videos for the ESCAPE project at uni.
  • making time to re-read my notes and try to keep what I learned to get those A grades fresh in my mind (important to do when you have CFS memory to contend with)
I know, you'd think I'd kick back and relax wouldn't you - but I really don't dare to. One thing I learned this year is that I can pace, but I can't stop;
If I stop I lose any headway I've made.

So, gotta keep the momentum going because I REALLY, really want to be able to get a job at the end of all this.