Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Ménière's disease

This is what my lovely new GP thinks could be wrong with me at the moment.
The antibiotics have done nothing and if anything it's getting worse, but my ears look fine. Having now read all of the NHS direct information about the suspected problem I'm depressed:
There is no cure for Ménière's disease. However, your GP and ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialist will be able to help you manage your symptoms. They will offer advice and information that is tailored to your individual needs, and develop a management plan that will help you cope more effectively with your symptoms.
Does that sound familiar or WHAT!
Exchange the words 'Ménière's disease' with ME/CFS and the ENT specialist for Neurologist and there you have what's been plaguing my life for the last 3-4 years!

Added to which I stupidly mentioned the discussion I had with some of the support group about what happens when I crash and how a couple of them didn't think it sounded like ME but more like epilepsy - I was cursing myself within minutes for mentioning it as instead of shrugging it off as I'd expected him to he said 'Disregard any of your previous notes, we'll take everything as new onset, I want to test you properly to rule out that possibility'

Great.

So now I'm going in AGAIN next week to be tested for epilepsy, I can't remember everything he said because I was too stunned by how quickly he changed from concluding the appointment to telling me about the tests and asking me to book myself in for another appointment.
I also can't help feeling like a hypochondriac again, why did I open my mouth? It's that STUPID wish that I had something treatable instead of this damned curse of an illness.

I'm pretty sure I don't have epilepsy, the crash thing would have been picked up before now surely?! ..and besides, what little research I've done (hurrah for DR internet eh?!) says that those kind of 'episodes' happen to kids, I've not seen mention of adult onset before.
I just feel that now I'm wasting his time with pointless tests all because I couldn't keep my bloomin' mouth shut.

I suppose I should be grateful that I have a Dr. who is willing to do anything to reassure me about any suspicions or.. well, anything.
But I would have accepted him telling me that it's unlikely to be absence seizures at my age, that's pretty much all I wanted him to do if I'm honest, just because I'm resigned to the CFS/ME label doesn't stop me having ridiculous dreams of the "you've been misdiagnosed, have some pills and be cured' conversation.
Perhaps THAT's what I should have said as I was leaving instead of "a few of us were comparing symptoms.."

Meh, I'll learn one day. I guess now I just wait and see what these blood tests show up. At least the last lot were fine, normal blood count so I'm NOT anemic, pressure is a bit low but nothing to worry about so it's just the ear thing.
Joy.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Antibiotics

So far so good.

I've just been less able to cope with the 'fatigue' (you know, that bone sucking weariness that leeches at your will to live) and the dizziness and nausea are back full force - I also feel as though my eardrums are going to pop every time I swallow - but that'll be down to the ear infection fighting back. on the plus side, the aches are not as severe as usual, my elbows still twinge but it's not the 'normal' burning stretchy ouch I deal with during PMS week.

I got an extension on one assignment, I figure I'll be fine with the presentation and I've already taken my missed exam, I just need to give my tutor a copy of the docs certificate for the examining board to ensure I get marked as though I were present first time around and not at the capped 40% resit scheme.

Still awaiting response from Minerva house about my DSA application, figure I'll phone 'em on Tuesday to make sure they received it, they should, it was sent recorded delivery.
As soon as I've had an assessment for that I'll know where I stand with everything else, best case scenario is that I get help with transport, a laptop and laptop desk suitable for use in bed (or just the desk, I don't mind getting my own laptop) and an ergonomic chair.
Worst case is I get nothing and the college stop helping me with extensions etc etc.

Meh, we'll see. I just want it all sorted before my exams.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Cack and double cack.

I've now had this ear infection for at least three weeks.
I've a prescription for antibiotics to pick up but I know that as soon as I start taking them I'll be completely buggered and the next 2 weeks are pretty vital as far as college goes, I've 3 assignments due in and tomorrow evening I'm taking the exam I missed 2 weeks ago due to my mini relapse.

I guess I'll have to fill in an extension form for each of my assignments and just succumb to the effects of the drugs, I'll go and speak to Thelma tomorrow about it, hopefully she can square it with all my tutors so that I can have an extra week in which to do the work - it shouldn't be a problem seeing as the Lovely Dr. Bhatt gave me a sick note that covers me until the end of next week - technically I don't have to be in to any of my classes until that runs out, I just hate to miss the lectures because I don't want to fall behind!

It's a toss up really, do I postpone taking the antibiotics and hope the recurrent dizziness and nausea/ fainting from the ear infection hold off until I've done the assignments or get them and take them and just give up any thought of doing anything for the entire week because I'll be too bushed to speak..?
God knows why antibiotics have that affect on me but they do. *sigh* no visiting or anything that week, at least I'll be able to do some beading if I'm propped up in bed, nothing worse than the listless fogginess - although I've never taken them with VegEPA so perhaps I'll be ok.. We shall see!

I'm not starting them until Wednesday anyhow because I've decided to wait until after my blood tests, no point making life truly awful for myself until I have to eh?!

Friday, November 02, 2007

updates and whingyness

I've been up and down for the last few days, constantly tired and aching, today the pains were so bad I couldn't get up, my knee especially has been playing up and i'm limping again.

Just as well I'm allowed a lift key at college, I really couldn't face the stairs today, I did force myself up and in because I had a test this morning, the temptation was there to just flake as I know I'd be allowed to redo it at a later date, but it's in a subject I already struggle with so I need all the help I can get.

I'm also getting a tad fed up. All I do is college work and then go home to crash, that's assuming I'm not working on college stuff at home.
I need a night out but I don't have the energy (or the income) I need a break.

I also need my own space. Singing is the one sure fire way I have of de-stressing and brightening my outlook, I've been unable to sing for at least 2 months because I'm living in someone elses house and feel I can't make that kind of noise.
I can't go to a karaoke because I'd be going by myself, not advisable at present (even if I had the confidence to go to a pub alone and sing in front of a crowd) I'm just royally fecked off.

..But at least i'm doing well on my course - even databasing is coming to heel, by christmas I should be able to create a fully operational shopping database. I just wish I had a life outside college.

*sigh* i'll build up, I guess I should just be grateful i'm at the level I am, as long as I can hold this and not relapse i'm doing well. Things'll pick up once I have a measure of privacy back in my life again.
Then I'll be able to sing to my hearts content!