Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Contributing factors

I've found a cheap vegepa substitute to try out at our local superdrug: I'm thinking that if it works then it's not so much the lack of DHA in Vegepa that made such a difference to me as the Vitamin D I gained from using such high doses.

Something which could be explained by this nifty little infographic:

Vitamin D  - Vitamins and Supplements Infographic - Healthspan
Vitamin D - the sunshine vitamin - Healthspan
Vitamins & Supplements by Healthspan

There was talk in the CFS community a few years ago about the importance of vitamin D with regards to this illness; it's as good a thing to try as any other I guess. ..And at least I'll know once and for all if the ridiculous expense of Vegepa was worth it or not.

I'm having a 'normal' day today; Nearly killed myself doing the Galleria walk yesterday; I get all the way there without a problem and that's a good 30 minute walk, I visit 2 shops, sit and have food and drink for 20 minutes then start walking back; I make it about 10 minutes down the road and the fatigue kicks in - it's like walking through treacle, every step is an effort in will power - by the time I get to the small hill leading onto my street I'm crying inside from the effort but because I have bella asleep in her buggy I can't just lie down or sit on a verge until I have the energy to get home, I have to push through it and get us both home safely.

Then I'm dead for a good couple of hours. BUT I made it home, I did my self imposed exercise AND last night I slept 8 hours straight through without any issues and woke up this morning REFRESHED!

I can't do that walk every day but I do it when I can and it's easier with the buggy to walk faster than I do by myself so I can push through the fatigue wall. It's tough but if I don't keep pushing myself every now and again I'll be useless and even weaker physically than I am now.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

calorie counting

Been doing a little thinking (dangerous eh?!) and perhaps the lack of Vegepa isn't contributing as much to my current ME-ish state as much as I thought; I put on a LOT of weight during my last year at uni and the trend continued afterwards.

Stef and I are currently trying to lose the excess and I'm hoping it'll give my body a fighting chance against the slew of consecutive illnesses I've had to contend with since completing my degree. I need to lose a stone and a half minimum to be down to my borderline 'ideal' weight - that may not seem much to some people but when you consider just how sedentary my life is you'll realise that losing ANY weight is going to be tough.

I walked to and from the Galleria yesterday; I was out for 3 hours and when I got back just managed to eat a slice of pie and collapsed into bed for the afternoon until Stef woke me for pancakes at 5:30pm, I was back in bed again by 10:30pm and struggled to get out of bed 15 minutes ago (10:30am) but yesterday I was 329 calories under my 1200 allowance despite it being pancake day so go me!

I'm all signed up with my fitness pal and keeping a careful track of what I eat and do (very much missing the convenience of the bar code scanner on the android app now that my phone is broken - and the crash calendar/ period tracker I was using to record the episodes of CFS, luckily most is backed up and I have recorded the numbers on here so it's not a total loss of 2 years data) calorie counting is a pain though - I'm just lucky Stef is doing most of the cooking because just working out my breakfast of yoghurt, banana and honey this morning taxed my poor brain - I'm so TIRED! ..and I'm struggling to eat this even though I need the food to give me some semblance of energy.

Lets hope the anticipated weight loss has the desired effect and I get back to feeling brighter and more 'with it' and less prone to every bug my darling daughter brings home from nursery; if nothing else I'm aiming to fit in the most gorgeous dress I own that was aired just once pre-pregnancy so I don't have to buy anything for the 3 weddings we have to attend this year - I'm on a budget don'cha know.

One thing I have discovered is that drinking a mug of Clipper 'sleep easy' tea with a teaspoonful of honey to sweeten it before bed does seem to help me drop off; ok so it may just be that the exercise I'm forcing myself to do when I can is the real reason but at least I'm getting SOME decent sleep - for the last few weeks I've been ghostly pale with black circles under my eyes; hopefully this new routine will alleviate the death camp look and bring me back to a healthier complexion and more refreshing sleep.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

What's the hold up?

I was told at the start of December that I'm beginning the move to ESA, I filled in and returned the ATOS form and now I'm still waiting to hear back from them. I'm stressing about the family budget, I'm stressing about the fact that I'm just not coming out of this ME/CFS funk; every time I think i'm heading into a period of remission i get a cold/ virus and it's straight back into relapseville.

I can't afford any more VegEPA and haven't been taking them since at least Novemeber (maybe longer; my memory fails me) and it really shows; my mood is slanted towards the pessimistic, my brain is sluggish and I'm back to being too easily distracted to really concentrate on things - and the thing that for me fixes all these issues I can't afford to get until I have a job - but without it I'm probably not likely to get a job - it's a vicious circle!

I put in a bid for some freelance work after having no joy with 'real' jobs but 'surprise' I've had no response back; even if i did, I've since looked into how that will affect our finances and unless Stef finds work I'm better off not wading into the 'self employed' quagmire; My brain just couldn't take in the requirements for it and it seems i'd be punished by the DWP for attempting to work my own way; I may be wrong there but like I said, brain glitching a lot lately.

I was taking between 6-8 Vegepa a day, now I'm taking none; I was able to complete a degree with 1st class honours and lead sessions at conferences; now every item is a 'thing or 'thingy' because the aphasia is kicking in almost constantly and I just can't find words (thank god for online thesaurus eh?!) ..and i'm lying in bed half the night trying to sleep and only dozing and dreaming and waking feeling sluggish and unrefreshed.

My diet has improved, the only stress I have is self imposed over financial possibilities; the only major difference in my oral intake is zero Vegepa - you do the maths.

If ESA folk would just tell me where I stand and what's happening even the stress would vanish as I could then get organised; but obviously my body now relies on that bloody supplement; either I've been taking it too long or it really does help on its own - or it's one hell of a placebo effect. I need to find £11pw for a pot of the stuff to help me get my brain and sleeping patterns back! if only the NHS provided it *sigh* it's a dear do being ill.