Sunday, May 28, 2006

Feck feck fecking fecking FECK!

I've overdone it.

The last three days have just been crap. It's been building up for about 3 weeks, I've been getting gradually more tired, my sleep has been less restful and now I'm back with the constant pain and the sore throats - at least the headaches are only intermittant.

So it's a good job I'm on half term from college with only another 3-4 weeks to go when I go back. I don't know if it's the travelling that's done it - or perhaps it's the length of time I'm concentrating for, the fact that I've started drinking tea and eating a lot of dairy products again - or even that I had a big drinking episode around my birthday.
Either way, I've been slacking on the food and pacing front and now I'm feeling the consequences.

I'm just sick of it, at least when I'm just 'tired' (like that word can even begin to convey the feeling) I don't care, I just want to be in bed or lay down somewhere.
But the aches... they sap your will to live. Trying to not make the bloke feel rejected is a strain, it hurts to sit in a single position for too long, I can't stay cuddled up when lying down... everything just HURTS! trying to stay pleasent and 'normal' is just more hard work and adds to the general crapness of it all - and I can't even talk to him about it because he just tells me to shut up and stop being negative.

Like that helps.

Gah! I'me feeling sorry for myself so it's probably time I fecked orf to bed and attempt to get some decent sleep for a change. Doing more than dipping in and out of a doze would be fantastic! I was doing so well, it's my own fault for rushing it though - a realisation that does not bring a smile to my face.
Oh aye, that therapist is gonna have a field day with me next week.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Life... S'good innit?

I spent most of last night searching for lyrics on the net.

It's good feeling like I have a life again, I've started 2 courses to help further my interest in web design, one that takes up all day tuesday and one that's on a thursday evening, I still have a driving lesson on a monday and wednesday and now I'm looking at jamming with a band on monday evenings.

The only problem is that in doing all this I think I may have bitten off a little more than I can chew. For the first time in a long time I totally passed out in the bath on wednesday and Stef had to call off my driving lesson because he couldn't lift me out of it, I ended up lying there covered in towles for 2 hours - the git even took a pic *grin* men...

I've also had the aches back in full force for the last 2 weeks, my left arm especially is just killing me, I've been having trouble sleeping again and I'm starting to feel constantly tired again, my memory is still swiss cheese - hence the lyric search.

That's stung my pride a little actually - if there's one thing I've never had a problem with it's remembering lyrics, not anymore, now I even feck up 'living on a prayer'!
It's frustrating as hell.

Though I guess it's my own fault, I'm cancelling the wednesday driving lessons so I can fully recharge from a day at college and fridays will probably also be spent just resting. I'm beginning to think my shrink was right and that I should just stick to 2 hrs a week of study (though I'd love to know where you can get a course that offers just that, 4 hrs is the shortest I could find and I'm doing that on a thursday)

It's just that I'm so impatient - I need to get back to work again - my DLA has been taken from me and the appeal went nowhere, there are so many things I want to do and this 'taking it slow' doesn't work for me.

Well, not mentally anyhow.

I just hope that I manage to pass my theory test on friday.