Thursday, January 28, 2010

Optimistic misery

Sounds daft but it's true. I've been feeling pretty down for ages yet at the same time I'm feeling quite optimistic about the future because things keep happening that are good.

Let me explain.

The ME/CFS made a reappearance quite a few times between October and December of last year, then the Menieres made my life hell over the 3 week christmas break because I ran out of the betahistine tablets.

I couldn't get any more because of first the snow and then because I was too incapacitated to write and take in the letter to the receptionist for my prescription (couldn't find the printed repeat and my surgery asks for a signed note asking for a repeat in those circumstances)

After the Menieres kicked in, it triggered a full on ME/CFS relapse then just as I started to get over that my daughter had the flu jab and gave me a stinking head cold that once again set off the Menieres and the ME/CFS

So for the best part of 3 months I've been stuck in bed unable to do my work, stressing about my inability to do work and getting ill - vicious circle.

I missed 2 exams, web application design (WAD) and Professional issues in computing (PIC) and despite being told I could have an extension on my digital entertainment systems (DES) assignment I've been unable to do ANY work on that as I had to concentrate on my Principles and Applications of web services (PAWS) exam and the portfolio for WAD.

SO, I managed to attend my PAWS exam, I think I did enough to pass despite leaving a few of the questions unfinished (started feeling a bit pants so left the 3hr exam after 1.5 hours) and I've got about 50% of the portfolio done and an extra week from now to finish the rest - which ME/CFS allowing is doable.

My support worker and the individual tutors have been great, assuming I can get the relevant documentation for my Dr (and I can't think what reason he could have not to give it) I can defer the 2 exams and the DES coursework until summer so that I can get the new semester over and done with without the extra worry of legacy work.

On top of which, I've been approached to do a conference workshop in the summer with the 2 project leaders from the CABLE group I was involved with last year - so despite my crap health, I obviously have useful knowledge and experience which leads me to be hopeful that I will be able to find a job at the end of this!

Lets hope so eh?! I'd hate to think I was killing myself for no reason!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Push on through to the other side

That's basically all I'm trying to do right now.

Despite everything last year, I managed to come out with one of the highest grades in our Foundation Degree class - this is an achievement of which I will always be proud!

However, this academic year has been a complete bust so far as the ME/CFS and Menieres is concerned. I had a very emotionally charged piece of news back in October/November which led to a rather hefty relapse, trying to come back from that with a ridiculous course load and a very active toddler has proven to be a task of herculean proportions.

My recovery was further hampered over the Christmas period when I ran out of the Betahistine prescribed to me to help control the Menieres - any doubts I had about their effectiveness have been firmly silenced having spent the best part of 2 weeks bedridden with dizziness, ear pain and nausea yet 3 days after restarting medication I'm back to ME/CFS 'normal'.

I've managed to obtain an extension for one piece of coursework but even so it will be tight, one exam has passed and I'm unsure as to whether I've made it on to the next module despite studying as hard as I possibly could for it, the other 2.. well fingers crossed eh?

Next semester should be better, according to my timetable I'm only in for 3 hours a day, 2 days a week which means I'll be able to actually pace myself and have set mealtimes again; regularity and a decent schedule are half the battle in managing this condition I've found.

..so lets just pray I've managed to get enough marks to pass the current semester because if I have to re-take anything I may as well give up now.