Monday, June 26, 2006

VegEPA and the ongoing nightmare

I've been taking these VegEPA supplements for a month only to realise I'm taking the wrong dose, I'm supposed to take 7-8 capsules a day, I've been taking 2.. Whoops.
The thing is, they're expensive - I've been sent a pretty in depth booklet from the Manchester ME society and the results and feedback on this supplement look promising, it's just another expense on top of everything else, though if they do work as well as is claimed then they get priority over my driving lessons that's for sure!

My website (rosevibe.me.uk/cfs)is about 70% done but I'm having to take a break from it, the brain fog is kicking in again. I can tweak it but I'm so easily distracted that evry few minutes i'm either getting up and bimbling around or I'm just flicking between the pages without really seeing what it is I'm looking at.
It's frustrating, I want to get it done.

I'm also gutted after speaking to one of my favourite cousins earlier this evening, she didn't know I had CFS (I tend not to talk about it if I can help it and most of my family have no clue that there is anything wrong with me never mind what it's called, comes in handy having very little contact with anyone sometimes)
The thing is, it sounds like she may have it - this sucks big time, she's a lot younger than I was when I came down with this, she's just started mapping out her life, this'll fuck things up for sure if it turns out to be what's wrong with her.. I'm not a religious person but I'm praying like anything she's just sick with some virus that clears up in another couple of weeks or so.

Oh and the nightmares are back - I actually woke up screaming this morning.
I dreamt that I'd gone to pick up a glass from a table, the glass was beside a potted yukka plant, as I reached for it I noticed what looked like one of those tendrils of fibre optic wire you get in a spaceship lamp, pushing it's way out of the plant.
As I watched another then another joined it until I realised it was a spider (I'm terrified of spiders) I backed away, knocking the table - my stepmum was behind me laughing and telling me to run away, it just kept growing more and more legs and as they grew it started to look like a transluscent one of these balls but with the 'legs' as fine as hair:

Anyway I'm still backing away but now I'm running backwards because it's started coming towards me and it's growing larger the closer it gets to me, I stumble and it hits my knee.. I scrabble backwards but it's run up my body and as it jumps onto my head it lets out this weird high pitched giggling sound..

That's when I woke up screaming and thashing about in bed.

*sigh* I'd love a decent nights sleep, even if it's not all night, just a few hours of deep refreshing kip would be fantastic!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Bloody weather!

I do not do well in the heat.
Mind you - I'm not so great in the cold either *grin* but at least if you feel cold you can put on more clothes or turn the heating up. When it's like this there's nothing you can do. Heat makes my aches worse and my mood is basically terrible.

I'm so irritable it's untrue, my poor man! I think he's glad of the world cup, not because he loves his football, more because it gives him an excuse to leave me on my own for a few hours.
I'm not a nice person at present.

I know I get narky when the aches are really bad anyhow - but when it's this hot as well *sigh* on the plus side, I've done a shed load of washing today - it's practically dry the second I hang it on the line, so there are good points lol

My thought process is very disjointed too, I'm only half catching what people say, which doesn't help when I'm queen narky, i take everything the wrong way..
*sniff*

I'm still improving though. I always used to sleep more and do less when it was warm so my current state is NOT a set back, it's normal - and not in a 'these days' normal kind of way, apart from the aches, this is how I was pre-illness, so it's kind of nice.

Ugh, how irish was that last bit?
Anyhow, I'm just glad I've got my projects to work on *grin* my cfs website should be fired up and ready to go by next friday (assuming there's no problem with the ftp process..) Once that's had a couple of people give it the once over and a thumbs up, I'll announce its presence to the world at large and stick in a few meta tags for google and co to find.

Compiling the content has kept me sane actually, it's helped focus my mind with regards what I need to be doing to help my 'recovery' and it feels like I might have done something worthwhile with this course instead of just messing about with code.