Monday, January 19, 2009

Back to normal

It's been nearly 5 months since my daughter was born, in that time I've tried to get to grips with motherhood whilst staying on top of my coursework. It hasn't been easy.

I missed the first 6 weeks of term because I was breastfeeding, that and I was just too knackered to consider anything outside of newborn hell - ME/CFS had prepared me for being constantly knackered but this was even beyond that because of the emotions.

I now know how to describe CFS to any couple who've gone through the child rearing process, well, what the brainfog and fatigue is like anyway; Imagine having the flu 4 weeks after your child was born, just as she's coming out of a growth spurt..

Horrible isn't it?

Sadly, despite managing to boom and bust my way through the rest of semester A, this last week it has all caught up on me in a big way. I really can't tell if it's just the menieres or the ME/CFS any more. I've had definite menieres attacks - at least one every day for the last week.
I've had dizzy spells, nausea and ear pain, tinnitus, splitting headaches and full on fatigue in waves.

2 days ago was definite ME/CFS as I awaoke at 06:30 to go and make Izzys bottle only to find I couldn't get out of bed. I was stuck there until just gone 12 when I managed to haul myself along the walls to the bathroom and then promptly collapse on the couch until around 9pm.

The only interaction i had with my daughter was when Stef laid her between myself and the back of the couch for her afternoon sleep. This is getting to be far too familiar.

I've hardly dared to pick her up because:
  1. she is now so heavy I struggle to hold her for long periods of time and
  2. The dizzy spells have been coming on so quickly I worry about stumbling with her in my arms
#2 is a very real worry as I'm currently covered in bruises from my efforts at walking around the flat without banging into the bed/ door frames/ cupboards.. It's quite depressing.

What is worse is knowing that there is little I can do about any of this, I have an appointment to see my doctor in a few days, I'm hoping a new lot of betahistine hydrochloride will help get the dizzy stuff under control, I don't remember it having much affect last time but I hadn't been taking it for long when we found out I was pregnant and had to stop medicating.

Lets just hope that the last couple of days rest is enough to tide me over, I have a test on wednesday and an exam on thursday - a crash before or during either of those would be catastrophic for my chances of passing this course with any kind of decent grade - I'm only just managing a pass grade as it is!

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