Tuesday, January 02, 2007

new year, more sleep

On the plus side I've only crashed twice over the Christmas period - on the downside both times were in public.

The first one wasn't so bad, we were in church Christmas morning and I just sat slumped on the pew with Stef holding me up before half carrying me out to the car at the end of the service.
Last night was worse.

I'm not sure what brought it on - I'm only guessing when I blame the speciality tea I was drinking. It felt like I'd had an espresso, the jumpiness, the sensation of something bubbling just under my skin (not a pleasant sensation I assure you) then I crashed totally - it's like when a pc is hit by a power surge, there's a split second of all system functions going nuts then it just shuts off - that was me.
I was the dreaded blue screen of death last night.

It didn't help we were visiting people who lived in a flat at the top of 3-4 flights of stairs, it took 2 people to carry me down them after Stef had put my shoes and coat on, another person trailing behind carrying my belongings, then being stuffed into the car only to repeat the process at the other end.

What makes it worse is that I get so frustrated at not being able to move or help myself that I start crying - then I get embarrassed at being so pitiful and can't stop crying, which makes me feel even more embarrassed.

I've had to cancel going to visit my best friend today because I'm just too wiped out, I've not seen her for months and was really looking forward to catching up and now I can't. I hate this fucking illness.

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