Saturday, June 09, 2007

Save me from the brain leech

I feel totally drained. I mean totally.
The only reason I'm even writing this is because I feel I need to force myself to do something other than crawl back into bed - I can't even get up the urge to do any singing.
I woke up yesterday feeling as though a layer of fog had been peeled away - it's the brightest I'd felt in weeks! Sadly an intensely emotional argument in the afternoon put paid to that. I still have a headache from all that crying and I'm back to feeling totally wiped out again.

I know there's things about the flat that need doing, I know there's things on my pc that need sorting out - I also know I should go and have a shower and get dressed, I just can't bring myself to do any of it.
I'm just so tired! Emotionally, mentally and physically knackered. All I want to do is lie down (despite knowing I can't sleep) just bury my head under the covers and hope the world goes away.
I'm not 'depressed' as such, I'm just past caring, everything is 'too much hassle' 'why bother' 'who cares' 'do it another day'.
I'm kinda numb.

It's not because of the argument - that was resolved quite quickly, though it was incredibly upsetting at the time. I'm just 'meh' and trying hard not to be - hence this digital blathering.

I'm thinking that maybe the mere act of writing all this out will kickstart something in me and I will hit the shower, I will do the washing up, I will sort out my clothes..

Except I just really can't be arsed.
I hurt everywhere and on top of that, even though it's a week early I'm feeling the onset of period pains and as mentioned before, I'm just too tired to care.
I'm hungry, but I just can't face making anything and I've nothing 'snack-y' in (except chocolate and I don't want to eat chocolate) I'm thirsty but I don't want tap water because the chlorine smell knocks me sick and I've run out of bottled water and juice.

gah! it's hopeless, I've just stared at the screen for the past 5 minutes while my mind blanked out. Today is another lost day, I should just face it as such and crawl back into my pit

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