I'm expecting to be told that I'm no longer eligible for incapacity benefit very shortly following the medical assessment I had yesterday.
I had a very nice doctor this time, he didn't make me feel defensive there was no looking down his nose or air of disgusted superiority. He had on a very nice tie though and I kept being distracted from the questions he was posing through admiration of it.
I think I am ready for work though I would much rather embark upon a course of re-training in web design as it would benefit me more in the long run. I guess I will have to see whether that option is available to me if (as I suspect) I'm soon to be on JSA as opposed to incapacity benefit.
After reviewing the answers I gave the assessing practitioner both Stef and I came to the conclusion that really it must be fear stopping me from working, it's a confidence thing .
I may be tired, I may not sleep well and I may be in pain all the time But.. I am able to function, not as well as I once did admittedly, but well enough to take on a course of study - which in turn means I'm well enough to hold down a job.. I think.
This being the case I have renewed my efforts to reestablish contact with Ms Brady of the DSS to see whether I can in fact opt for retraining.
I've found a course at mancat that looks like a good starting place - I've also come to the sad realisation that I'll have to re-do my maths G.C.S.E. There's no getting around it, an 'E' grade just won't cut it so these are my first 2 baby steps.
From there I'll need to look into finding a course to further my interest, probably some computer science degree thing but most of the ones I've looked at have a LOT of algebra modules (good job that was my fave part of the maths curriculum at school huh?!) which is what made me concede the need to upgrade my G.C.S.E. level (well that and an a-c grade is a mandatory requirement to get on the course)
I know.. Why computer science if I only want to be a web designer? Basically, long term I want to work from home, for this goal freelance web design would be ideal.
Realistically I know that is not something I could start up straight away, I'll need to find a company to work for and there is more demand for people knowledgeable about database maintenance than there are for freelance web designers.
My goals are:
- 2007-2008 Maths GCSE at grade c or above
- 2007-2008 Learn mysql and php
- computer science degree - preferably one with a work placement year.
- job within the I.T industry
- network network network
- work from home as a freelance web designer.
I'm at a point where I know I can work part time possibly full time but I'm still wary of doing too much in case of a relapse. So.. I have the choice of getting a part time monkey brain job that barely covers the bills and will end up going nowhere or staying skint a few years longer and re-training into something more like a career.
I just hope I have the option to pursue my first choice, I've done enough monkey brain low paid jobs to last a life time, that's what probably put me in this situation in the first place - this time around I want a different, more fulfilling life.
Fingers crossed eh?!