Monday, March 31, 2008

More pregnancy stuff

It's amazing how in just the space of a few months my whole outlook on almost everything has changed.

I've lost interest in practically everything none baby related, my blogs and my website have fallen by the wayside despite the 4 years I've spent building them up, I have a fairly strong readership over on my main blog and my web presence is pretty impressive for a dabbler - but just lately I've given real thought to just ditching it all when my hosting expires. I'm just not that person anymore.

I'm having to force myself to concentrate on college, I just can't garner any enthusiasm for it at present as the goals I had have changed - yes working from home is still an achievable goal but I just can't picture it the way I could before because my head is so full of the realities of childrearing - web design and programming are coming in a very poor second to that image.

Even my views on things have altered. I've been very open on the web up to now and had no problem sharing my life with people, yet suddenly I'm looking at things differently and censoring what I have to say - or just not saying anything at all.
I knew having a child would change things, what I failed to realise was just how much of that change would involve my view of myself.
Perhaps this is what growing up is all about? I'm not sure where this journey will take me but it's obvious now that it's in a different direction than I'd ever really imagined before.

On the physical side of things, I'm definitely on a boom/bust cycle, I'm finding it impossible to pace because I'm having trouble resting; I'm tired and stressed about our current living situation because time is running out on finding somewhere, there's only 4 months to go until I'm due to give birth and I NEED to be settled at least a month before that happens - and my temperature control is even worse than with the ME/CFS. I heat up to the point of passing out, yet if I strip off/ go outside then within the space of minutes I can be shivering again.
Doesn't help that the whole family are out for the count with the flu, I've been avoiding them as much as possible in an attempt to ward it off - flu is not fun at the best of times but while pregnant I can't have decongestants and the like and I'm almost incapable of breathing through my mouth!

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