Friday, March 14, 2008

Pregnancy and CFS

I've been neglecting this blog as my main one has been getting all the love of late, it's where I broke the news of my pregnancy and between it, my college blog and the pregnancy journal I've had little thought to spare for this poor thing.
It seems all I can think of is this little creature to the exclusion of practically all else.

Ok so with the CFS crap I should be used to feeling tired, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I just need to sleep.
The menieres thing has been playing up again and I'm constantly just wishing I had somewhere I could go, I can't relax here - I'm too aware of Endora bimbling about downstairs with the expectations of me helping out around the house
I just really wish we had our own place. I'm stressed about everything, home, college, family, the future..
I'm trying REALLY hard not to be because I know stress is really the worst thing for me - it's what keeps exacerbating all my health issues and I'm starting to worry about the effect it may have on the baby (so great.. something ELSE to worry about)

I just wish I could sleep - one night of decent uninterrupted sleep.. That would be bliss.
The thing is, I wake up from dozing because I need the loo - but when I get to the loo I can't even force out a drip. it's frustrating as hell.

Yet despite the lack of sleep, the stress, the cramping and dietary weirdness I think it may be true what they say about pregnancy helping CFS because despite living with the kind of stress that would normally have me bedridden and crying, I'm still able to function.

I'm wondering if it isn't more to do with the folic acid supplements than the pregnancy itself though.. I have a vague recollection of some vitamin shots being offered to some CFS patients in America or Canada and the recipients showed definite signs of improvement - since every woman wanting a healthy baby starts taking a minimum of 400mg of folic acid a day, perhaps that could account for the added resistance to the fatigue..?
Who knows? If I could be bothered I'd google it and check but I'm shattered.

Yup, I'm bloody knackered. But going off the other pregnancy journals I've been reading, that is applicable to every woman partaking in the baby cooking project regardless of health.

I'm just tired, constantly. I think I used up all my excitement the day of the scan because at the moment I don't really feel much of anything - aside from tired and constantly annoyed and wanting to just stay under the covers and shut the world away.

Seriously, I cannot concentrate on college at all - I have assignments due in and instead of working my arse off i'm catching myself thinking 'sod it' and 'what does it matter'.

It's worse than the brain fog you get with CFS - at least with that there is a sense of distance, it's frustrating but at least you can tell it's a physical manifestation because you're not able to take things in. With the pregnancy fog I can take things in but a second later I've forgotten what it was and I'm so distracted it's untrue, I can't focus on anything.. it's hard to really explain the difference between the 2 mind states, I just know that now if a midwife asked me to describe CFS to them I can say "imagine all the mental symptoms of pregnancy combined with the physical symptoms of the flu, add a shot of morphine to the mix and there you have it - instant CFS!"

But i'm still managing to get up and (for the most part) attend class, i'm communicating well and still keeping it together - under these circumstances, prior to the pregnancy, that would have been a miracle.


ecb said...

Congrats on your pregnancy and on being such a trooper for having to deal with CFS at the same time! I have a friend with CFS and I can't imagine having to handle both.. bleah. Good luck and hang in there!

myshow said...

Congrats! I was beginning to worry about you. Everytime I checked your blog there wasn't anything new. I will be interested in how your pregnancy plays out. I honestly have almost f=given up on the thought of children. I can barely take care of myself! Are you going to find out if you are having a boy or a girl?

Take Care, you are carrying precious cargo now! lol