Friday, April 23, 2010

Musing

Ok, deferral form and supporting evidence has been submitted - I am officially taking the entire of this semester again next year (assuming the panel ok it)

I'll be honest, having to split my final year like this makes me feel like a failure. Lofically I know i'm not but emotionally.. I just really hate being this mentally weak, having to acknowledge that I can't cope.

..But the worst part of it is that this is a further indication that any hope I harbour of being able to work a full time job is just a pipe dream. If I can't cope with almost part time hours on a flexible course then a full time job will kill me.

..possibly literally if the reported occurrences of a weakened heart in ME/CFS sufferers is true. I'm not giving up my hope completely though - I was able to just about manage a full time course AND the cable project before bella was born.

If I can slowly build myself back up then one day I'll be able to work full time. I have to believe it otherwise what's the point of pushing myself like this?

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