Thursday, April 22, 2010

Why put off until tomorrow..

Once again I am putting in for deferral. There is no way I'll pass the semester B wad and paws exams, I've missed too much class because of the fatigue/ pain and general crapness of menieres and me/cfs.

The truth is, i'll alsobe lucky to pass my DES deferral assignment, I've not even started the last of the filming, I need to get my arse in gear big style - the problem is, i've got myself so stressed about it that I shy away from thinking about all I need to do because it brings on a crash.

Pathetic eh?

I'm averaging 3 crashes a week - that is ones bad enough to keep me in bed for at least half the day and mentally unfit for anything for the rest of it.

When I'm not stuck in bed it seems i'm having to look after bella or clean house and that's given me even less energy/ enthusiasm/ inclination to work.

It doesn't help that she's down with a chest infection and Stef has some kind of flu bug. *sigh* and I don't know what's wrong with me but I need help; I'm being plagued by bad dreams and unpleasant memories.

My mind just keeps regurgitating all the bad stuff that's happened to me since as far back as I can remember, then when it's done reminding me of things I'd give anything to forget, I get slammed with the nasty dreams about things I pray never to see or go through.

To be honest, i'm glad we got the eye massager - 30 minutes on that before bed seems to be the only thing that can send me off these days, I just wish I could stay asleep instead of succumbing to these dreams..

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