Friday, December 17, 2004

realising reality

Just been to the Dr's.
I'm more than a little gutted right now, on the plus side (thinking positive) I have a prescription for more drugs (::sarcasm:: Noooooooo, really, its a good thing - my chemical intake has been slacking of late ::/sarcasm::) on the downside, he sat and had a long chat with me about this.

Apparently post viral fatigue syndrome - otherwise known as M.E (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/ Encephalopathy) can take up to 4 years (four fucking years!) to get over - not fully recovered mind, just better.
He was a bit concerned that I seem to have got it into my head that I'll be fine in another 6 months or so, enough to go back straight into full time work anyhow.
He told me about 3 other patients of his who have this, 2 of them are working again (albeit only part time) after at least 2 years on the sick.
One of them must have a very understanding boss is all I can say because he said she can be fine for a couple of days then one day she'll get as far as the bus stop and have to call in sick cos she's too shattered to face the rest of the journey.

I can so relate, I had to cancel my appointment to see him last week because I was too shattered to walk the 10 minutes up the road.

I told him I was thinking of joining a gym - he vigorously vetoed that idea, for several months at least. He suggested I get a dog, being forced to take a short walk every day will help, the key being gentle excersize. (uh huh, like I'm going to voluntarily take on the care and well being of another living thing... I couldn't even keep goldfish alive!)
But I have to force myself to do it - whilst not doing too much.
How do I gauge 'too much' if I'm shattered and lethargic to start with?!

For some reason he kept repeating the fact that it's not my fault... methinks at least one of his other patients has had a 'thing' about that. I know it's not my fault, its just some punishment for being too great *grin* someone up there obviously feels the need to try and keep me down.
Bastards.. Well tough shite, wont work - I shall do this physio etc (as soon as they get to me on the waiting lists) and I will be back as a productive member of society well before 4 years are up - I'll give it the 2. Tops.

For the next 3 months at least I will be on one 25mg capsule of Dothiepin Hydrochloride every night before bed. The lass at the hospital described these to me as anti-depressants (a fact not designed to fill me with joy, I don't consider myself to be depressed, well, not enough to warrant drugs anyway) Basically she said they are so low-level that they mainly get prescribed for the side effects, which is a pain suppressant and helps induce drowsiness - therefore aiding sleep.
The plan being, I get a proper routine sorted and 'train' myself into getting a decent nights sleep, this should in turn help me sort everything else out.
It all mainly comes back to diet and sleep.

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