Sunday, March 06, 2005

Depressed, need I say more?

Things have really started going to shit.
Work have stopped paying me, they didn't even give me any warning! My boss actually rang me to check up on how I was doing the day before I found out - HR have yet to inform him that I'm no longer on the books with them.
It's taken 2 weeks of none payment for me to discover I am now basically penniless, no wait - Less than penniless - I still have a loan to somehow pay and a £1350 overdraft. Joy.
I can't fill in the dla or incapacity forms because they are not structured for a chronic fluctuating illness, untill I get them filled out, I'll have no money - and if I don't fill them out correctly then they'll reject my claim and I'll still have no money.
My standing order for the rent was returned so on top of owing rent this month I'm now going to have bank charges, this means I am finally at the limit of my overdraft and they won't let me extend it.
I can't go out and buy any more food in... Things are looking bad.

I've tried finding an M.E support group or an advice centre, but the only ones near me are in Bury or Tintwhistle - neither of which are in Manchester itself.
I have enough problems getting to my mums on public transport and I know my way round there! I'm all alone here, my housemate has a drinking problem and is suicidal and everyone who would like to help me can't because they are too far away and in a similar financial position themselves.
How am I supposed to sort this out by myself?!

Every website I can find lists advice centres or support groups everywhere but Manchester itself - it's a fucking city for crying out loud! You are not telling me that I am the only person in here dealing with this fucker!
I know I'm not because my mum has it too, my dr has at least 3 other patients with it - he's told me about them.
I wonder if he'd be willing to give me a contact no. for one of them to see if they can help me..? I know I'm screwed otherwise, if only there were a way of getting help online or over the phone, sadly every resource I've found asks you to make an appointment and I can't get there without help.

I can't go out, I get dizzy, panicky - I'm paranoid as fuck about having a 'turn' when I'm on my own - These days I don't go anywhere alone unless I know I'm being met at the other end.
When we do go out it's always somewhere within easy travelling distance to home.
Anyway, even if I could get there I now can't afford the bus fare.
Perhaps I should just give up, I just don't have the energy for all this, stress makes it worse and with all the shit I have to deal with in the form of Sean, mum and money - quite frankly I'm at breaking point.

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